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Apr. 29th, 2009 | 10:13 pm

The blowers are attacking. Their back-pack machines screaming to keep humans from ever having to walk on leaves. They push the debris to the edge of the paths we tread, to be forgotten in the corners of our eyes.

I can’t stand their howling. I can’t stand my paths being laid bare as if nothing has ever happened here.

I am wandering through the grocery store. It is early, shelves freshly stocked, all full, labels out, like a Warhol painting. There is something nice about it; comforting. For a second I feel like everything will be alright.

There are always flocks of young attractive girls here. All uncomfortably perfect as if all the fat girls are in back riding bikes to power the lights. One of them up ahead has taken a can and placed it in her cart. The empty spot sticks out like a face missing a tooth.

Everything is not alright. I will wander aimlessly for awhile, past the full aisles and the people all around. But all I can think about is that one little empty hole. Somehow I know it was the only thing I really wanted.

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Mar. 17th, 2007 | 01:55 pm
mood: disappointedin myself

so i am walking around Austin during the SXSW festival which means it should have the highest babe per capita count of anywhere on the planet, and yet, some horrible, evil monster has taken over the fashion world and made girls look so fucking stupid that i am thinking of going gay.

the layered look as well as giant floral prints should not be worn by anyone over 5 and what the hell is with these gigantic parachute dresses. i mean if we are going down in a plane i will take you by my side but otherwise just put on some blue jeans and a tank top. also, we should be working on eradicated all evidence of the 80s, not reincarnating the worst parts of it like those god damned huge ball necklace things that look like you strung up some tennis balls and hung it on your neck.

until today i do not think i have ever come back from being in public less lustful than when i went out. i think i will move to another planet, i just can't take this place anymore

i wish i had something important to say. i bought some oil sticks today. they are suppossed to be 4.70 each (which i knew) but they weren't ringing up on the computer and the cashier after looking for and not finding the art guy came back and said "i think they are 25 cents each." i didn't say a thing. the little voice in the back of my head has been killed. truth is i just dont care anymore about being a good person. truth is i no longer think the world deserves it. how horrible is that?

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Equation no 1

Aug. 19th, 2006 | 01:29 pm

sometimes it can seem that we are invisible though standing amidst a crowd. nobody really sees me. nobody really hears my voice.

everything in life has a certain capacity for absorption. stand next to a passing train and scream and no one will hear you. it doesn't mean you aren't screaming.

when i lived in a tent i was woken up one morning by a Great Horned Owl's hooting. i wanted to see him and so as carefully and quietly as i could unzipped my door and peaked out. no human would have seen or heard me. but to him my movements were like a train passing by. of him all i saw was a black form take flight and disappear in the inky black of the trees with a whisper of wings. yet even such a tiny perception of him was delightful.

as things have a capacity to absorb so to do they have a capacity to sense.

put a glass on a rigid surface (table or counter), stand a few feet a way and tap your foot (not even a tap but a touch, barely perceptible). if you get it just right you will see the "shockwave" pass over the surface of the water no matter how light the contact.

when you move or speak or even breath the entire world feels it whether it knows it or not.

movement - absorption / capacity to sense = touch

our bodies then are capacitors absorbing the movements of everything around us and we burn with the friction of it. we are all on fire. can you feel it?

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happy anniversary

Jul. 23rd, 2006 | 12:13 am

So I haven’t had sex in 5 years now. In fact I think the last time was the end of summer so I may be near my no-sex anniversary. And if you are thinking of a present for me, dropping your pants and opening your vulva to me would do nicely. Actually, I guess I haven’t even kissed someone in 5 years. I do think there have been a couple accidental boob brushings but I can’t say for certain.

I know you are thinking there must be something hideously wrong with me, which, I guess there is, though I wouldn’t say it is hideously so. And it has nothing to do with looks or personality. I am not suggesting I will ever be on a GQ cover, but I think I am doing all right. And while I am a bit withdrawn, I am certainly not asocial. I guess what is wrong with me is that I am exquisitely demanding. Having lots of demands can shrink potential partners very quickly. Even simple demands can take away big chunks. Ask for someone that is comfortable with who they are and doesn’t waste large amounts of time and money on fashion and you have already lopped off 90% of the female population. Ask for someone who doesn’t lie, cheat, steal, smoke, drink, or do drugs and you just lost 90% of the 10% whom were left. Etc.

But the no sex deal is getting a bit tiresome. I am nearing the point where I just want to take out my 5 years of sexual tension on someone (or better yet someones). An entire cheerleading squad for instance, along with a gallon of lube and a strap-on (to keep the motion going during down times).

I am getting tired of masturbating 3 times when I get back from HEB to relieve the pressure built up from watching the 500 women or so who were there, half-naked, with all their jiggly parts bouncing all over the place. I really feel like telling them to either give it a rest OR let me bend them over the apple stand and fuck them silly. Our use of flesh is depraved. That isn’t to say sexuality or nudity is depraved, but that isn’t the way we use our flesh. We use it for power, control, and the elicitation of desire.

It would be sweet if you had the special power to snap your fingers and all of the sexual desire in everyone around you would be released. If you did it at HEB you could go to the whip cream aisle and slide from end to end on the creamy white froth and naked bodies. Woman would be getting there nipples pressed up against the cold doors of the frozen food aisle. And don’t even get me started on the row with the zucchini…

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Jul. 11th, 2006 | 07:45 pm

my new life:

5:30 wake up
lube body with sunscreen
load bag for work
walk to bus stop
bus 21 to bus 37
7:30 start work
4:30-6:30 end work
re-bus and re-walk home
drink a soda
handwash workshirt
swab cuts and scrapes with alcohol
ice down sore muscles and joints

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Jun. 18th, 2006 | 12:06 am
music: "I'll Melt With You" - Nouvelle Vague

“Don’t ever call me hubby”
“Hubby? What’s wrong with that?
“Don’t know. I just can’t stand it”
“How ‘bout my Man?”
“Ehhh,” I mumbled with an accompanying so-so hand wobble.

“Ohh…boy is better”
“How about my bitch?”
“Only if you are screwing me with a strap-on,” I said. She looked slightly shocked at first but then seemed to ponder it for a moment and asked if I would really let her do that. “Absolutely. What’s mine is yours.”

“Bend over,” she said and giggled.
“What about body parts?”
“What about them?”
“Dick, cock, prick?”
“’s all good.”
“Rod, shaft, member?”
“Mantool? What the fuck?”
“The Penetrator?” We both laughed
“I guess,” I said, “but penetrating always sounds kinda mean. Maybe The Infiltrator…”

“That sounds too sneaky”
“So then, does that make yours the Enveloper?”
She smiled and said “pussy.”
“Yep. Pussy, plain and simple.”
“But there is nothing plain and simple about it”
“I like pussy… and if you ever use a flower reference for it I won’t let you play with it for a month.”

“So no rosebud?” She gave me a dirty look. “No cunt?”
“Not normally she said, but I like the way you say it…say it again”

I repeated it slower and dirtier. “Oooh…I like it,” she said, and moved up into me, grabbing my shirt near the waist and pulling our bodies together. We stayed like that for a minute or two enjoying the soft parts of our bodies poking into each other, than she pushed me back towards the couch, sat me down and straddled my lap. “Straddle?” she asked with a mischievous smile.

I shook my head, “don’t much like that one.”
“But you just wrote it,” she said.
“Well clearly I need some work.”
“OK, now for the important one,” she said, “make love, fuck or screw?”
Read more...Collapse )

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Jun. 7th, 2006 | 12:07 am

It seems natural to worship the sun. But why was it once so difficult to simply imagine it as a thing in the sky? Why must it be associated with Gods? Why do amazing things have to be borne of a supreme intellect?

Imagine walking along a path and coming across a pile of twigs that are spelling out your name. It would be nearly impossible to believe that it was simply a result of random chance? Some person must have done this, we would say (or a God). But is that the only possible truth? Too often we fail to see the limitations of our own minds – we base the impossibility of our Twigname on the fact that in our lives we have walked by thousands of twig piles without them even closely spelling out our names. But that is a limitation of ourselves, not a limitation of chance. Imagine that instead we walk by a million twig piles a day, and live for a million years, and for a million lifetimes. Is it possible then? What about if we change the million to billion and add in a billion lives on a billion worlds – see what I am getting at?

People say life proves supreme intellect – random chance could not have created this. How could life develop from a pool of nothingness? Well, I’ll tell you. Billions of bits of matter colliding billions of times over billions of years on billions of worlds. Maybe this is the billionth time the Earth has existed but the first time life here has. We can’t accept life as random agglomerations of matter because we cannot comprehend infinity.

Infinity not only allows unlikely events to happen it lets them happen an infinite number of times. In an infinite universe, it is not only possible to walk by a pile of twigs spelling your name it is possible to lead a life in which all twig piles do.

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Family Movie Act

May. 27th, 2006 | 08:00 pm

I have been putting together a scorecard of congresspeople, comparing their votes with how I would have voted (-1 for voting differently, +1 for the same and 0 for no votes). I haven't inputted very many votes yet but so far there are only a few still in the positive (barely). The last vote I put in was for the Family Movie Act. This act is now law and was based largely upon a single company - ClearPlay. This company produces technology that allows filters to be applied to DVD's by parents in order to skip or mute objectionable material. ClearPlay was sued over this technology by some Hollywood powerplayers, hence the legislation.

I am not entirely against censorship. In fact, I am all for it - but only when it is censorship of a child by a parent. Doesn't this qualify? Afterall, it is the parent choosing to apply the filter. That maybe true, but they aren't specifically determining what the filter catches. For instance, how much violence is too much? Are all sex scenes simply gratuitous flesh fests? I admit todays movies are rarely subtle but some times they are and they used to be better at it I think. The love scene from the Terminator comes to mind. I was pretty young when I saw that but it was alright because it was a good scene (and contributed to the story).

Another example can be seen in the company's list of objectionable language, which according to them includes "Vain Reference to Deity." Will a statement like "God sucks" be edited out but one of "Allah sucks" be left in? Would the scene from Dogma with Alanis Morisette as God be removed becasue it portrays God as a woman? These types of decisions can be important and shouldn't be left up to a group of people I don't know sitting in a room at ClearPlay's office.

In the end i think that a piece of work (movie, book, art, song) that has merit should be left as is and people close to a child should be the ones deciding if they should see it or not. Generally I think that works of merit need to be whole. If they don't have merit than why see them in the first place. As an example, one of the movies I saw on their list that they have filters for is Munich. I haven't seen it but I know what it is about and I would suspect that slashing scenes of violence would neuter the value of the film.

The Family Movie Act is actually only a section of the Family Entertainment and Copyright Act of 2005 (FECA). Buried in the FECA bill is an interesting passage regarding movie theaters and bootleggers. This law grants theaters the right to detain persons suspected of unauthorized recording "in a reasonable manner and for a reasonable time." But the interesting part is actually the next passage which says that the theater "shall not be held liable in any civil or criminal action arising out of a detention." How can a law ever provide immunity to anyone from civil or criminal litigation? That's just wierd.

see ClearPlay at www.clearplay.com

look at the FECA act on Thomas Thomas do a bill search for S.167

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The blowers

May. 26th, 2006 | 12:00 am

The blowers are invading. Their back pack machines screaming to make humans safe from ever having to walk on leaves – they push the debris to the edges of the paths we tread, forgotten in the corners of our eyes. I can’t stand their howling. I can’t stand my paths laid bare as if nothing has ever happened there. Rent is due, I am out of money, my van won’t start. I am wandering alone through the grocery. It is early so the shelves have been recently stocked, everything is flush, labels out. There is something nice about it – comforting. Like maybe everything in the world can be OK. That all things can perhaps be put back together. I push a can off its perch. It falls into the empty space behind the clean façade leaving a hole like a face with a knocked-out tooth. What chance do we really have when things can so easily fall apart. Everything is not OK. No matter how clean you scrape the wounds

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war and asses

Jan. 24th, 2006 | 01:47 pm

War: a socio-technical bargain exchanging men's souls for political gain.

there is very little about females i don't find delicious but i must say the plumber's look is not really attractive on anyone. i am really kind of curious if anyone finds it attractive and if no one does why is it currently fashionable?

for anyone in Texas (maybe only Central - not sure) the HEB grocery chain is owned by H.E. Butt (hence HEB). it used to be called H.E. Butt Grocery company but they (wisely) changed the name. is there a worse name to buy food from then Butt? i thought it was a joke when i first saw it but it is no joke (just funny).

a thinker named Buridan proposed a conundrum in which an ass starves to death because it can't decide between two equally attractive piles of hay. this conundrum, called Buridan's Ass, somehow seems appropriate to life today. or maybe it is just appropriate to me...no that's not true...i am starving to death because i wait for the perfect pile of hay. that is perhaps just stupid.

actually that is a simplistic rendering of Buridan's Ass. it is more interesting than that.

reading a discussion about Buridan's Ass (BA) somebody made the point that it is stupid because all living creatures will choose to live. while BA isn't really about survival it is an interesting point. most people seem to believe that the desire to survive is something they choose but i am not so sure that it is. it is all part of the intelligent design myth. it seems unbeleivable that life as it is today is nothing more than random chance but in an infinite world impossibility happens all the time. maybe this is the quadrillionth time the Earth has existed and only the first time that we have. lets say for instance that when life began on Earth only organisms colored yellow could survive and so today everything alive is yellow. would it make any sense to say we choose to be yellow? anymore than it make sense to say we choose to survive. survival is a program we are built with - not a choice.

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