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May. 9th, 2009 | 07:36 pm

And I am going to go home, turn on the news and see how many people have died today.

A murder, a stabbing, a family burned to death in their home. It is like a psychopath’s Madlibs. The stories never really change they just fill in the blanks.

They pop up one after another like apples in a bucket you can never quite grasp.

What am I doing here? How many times have I looked up at the clock at 11:11? It doesn’t mean anything, because I do not believe in chance or the fates. I have allowed in my life no answers for the things that just don’t make sense. And with that life is a hard thing to face.

In the absence of God, I realize that there is no future but Doom. That despair hits me like a zombie movie.

Light was just the illusion to keep me breathing long enough to be fooled by hope.

Five. Five people died today on the news. I swallow that with my Kung Pao Chicken and Steamed Rice.

I turn off the TV. Glance out the window before bed as I always do. In the dark and the hollowness my breath breaks invisible on the glass. But maybe it is just ice, frozen water that will melt if the sun ever rises

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